Updated: Sep 30
“I hung up and called my mother because I wanted to end my day on an even lower note.” - Margaret Smith
9 people living in 5 different countries who follow the Mother Wound Project over on Instagram sent me their stories about their entitled moms so I could share them with you here on the MWP Blog. The mother wound comes in all shapes and sizes, and a mom with a severe sense of entitlement is definitely one of them.
If you’re someone who knows what it’s like to have a mother whose entitled expectations (aka “momspectations”) are off the charts, then this blog post is for you. And hey, you might even find your mom’s long-lost twin sister in one of these. Family reunion maybe?
Oh! The gifs. I also asked everybody to send, “The gif that best represents how you feel about this crap with your mom," so those are included, too.
1. Mom expects you to go to college
“Growing up mom talked about me going to college as if it was a matter or when, not if. It was always “When you go to college this” and “When you go to college that.” She didn’t go to college and always wished she would have, so apparently it was on me to go out and do this thing for her. So here I am at 25 with all this debt from a university I never wanted to go to with an expensive degree I don’t use. When judgey people say things like, “Well you chose to go to college and take out all those loans so you really can’t complain,” I want to say, “Um if your mom didn’t make her love for you conditional on you going to a fancy university so she could impress her friends and finally show up her older sister, sit down and stop talking about something you can never possibly understand.” - B., 25
2. Mom expects you to be heterosexual
“So I’m gay. This is as much a fact about me as anything could be, and it’s been like this forever. It’s also not something I’ve ever gone out of my way to be low key about. Not only am I gay, but I’m also proud of who I am. I mean, why not? Right? All my friends know I’m gay. My entire extended family knows I’m gay. Everyone knows. EVERYONE. Everyone except for one person that is. Mum. Ask her anything in the slightest bit related to my sexuality, and she’ll talk to you as if I’m straight! She’ll say things like, “Geoff still hasn’t found her yet” or “When Geoff finally has a girlfriend I’ll be so relieved.” I’m not sure how old I’ll be when mum finally gets it that no matter how straight she thinks I should be, I’m still going to be me.” - Geoff, 22
3. Mom expects you to get married
“Ever since I was little, I always knew I didn’t want to get married. It’s just not a thing I’ve ever been interested in. No big deal. Or so I thought. Last year when I turned 30, my mom started hardcore pressuring me about when I was going to get married. At one point it got so bad she started crying. She even told me my choice to stay single was “crushing her hopes and dreams.” Why does she think something that literally has nothing to do with her has something to do with her?” - Miriam, 31
4. Mom expects you to have kids
“Deciding not to be a mother is like telling the little souls of those precious babies that you don’t want them!” My mom really said this to me a couple of weeks ago when I’d gone home to see her for her birthday. I was stunned. I’ve know she thinks I owe her grandchildren and the whole experience of being a grandma, but this cringey guilt-trip goes beyond even her own usual. I’m seriously thinking about telling her to mind her own uterus the next time I see her.” - Zayna, 23
5. Mom expects you to live close by
“I’ll never forget this. I’d just graduated from college and was back home at my parents’ house packing in preparation to move three hours away for my first real job. A friend had come by to help me with some furniture, and after we were done we went out for a little bit to celebrate. When I came back it was around 1 am, so I figured mom and dad were in bed. Nope. Walked into my room, turned on the light, and there was my mom sitting between all the stacks of moving boxes full out sobbing. I didn’t know what to say. I actually thought maybe someone had died. When I asked her what was wrong, she snapped, “What’s wrong? My SON is leaving me. That’s what’s wrong! After everything I did for him he can’t even bother to live nearby his own mother. Three HOURS away. THREE!” I guess all those jokes mom used to make growing up about “never wanting to cut the cord” with me weren’t jokes. And maybe I knew that at the time, but I just didn’t want to see it yet.” - D.D., 38
6. Mom expects you to spend holidays with her
“Mom legitimately thinks she’s being abused if my husband, and I don’t spend the whole entire day of Christmas with her. It’s been this way for years. “Why can’t you get here first thing in the morning?” “I don’t understand why you need to leave before 9. We just finished presents. Just stay over and drive in the morning.” She’s says this same crap every single year. My husband’s parents want to spend time with us, too, but they don’t matter as far as mom’s concerned. Last year she pressured me nonstop to tell them we couldn’t do Christmas with them until after Christmas. I know I need to have better boundaries with her, but I can’t stand the idea of how bad she’s going to try to make me feel over this. I’m dreading the guilt already.” - Leanne, 25
7. Mom expects you to be the one to visit
“Neishie, I can’t drive that far. It takes 40 minutes to get all the way out to your apartment. You need to be the one who comes to my place and visits me.” My mom says this constantly, and it makes me so mad. She has zero problem driving over an hour once a month to get her hair done, but driving 40 minutes to see her own daughter? Now that’s just asking too much. But me driving that same distance out to her place? Then all’s fine and good. Clearly my time and my gas money are worth less than hers.” - Laneisha, 37
8. Mom expects you to call her
“I don’t think it’s okay for a mother to go and complain to one of her two adult daughters about how the other daughter “never calls her and she really wishes she would.” I know my mother does this because she wants my sister to say something to me on her behalf like, “You really should call mom,” but I just want to scream at my mother and say, “PHONES DIAL BOTH WAYS!” I’m obviously not going to do that—the screaming part—but I think am going to ask her to stop using my sister as the go-between. And if she thinks I don’t call her enough—whatever that means—why can’t she pick up the phone herself and call me?” - Tian, 33
9. Mom expects you to drop everything for her
“Two weeks ago I get this text from my mom that says, “Hot day today. Side and front gardens need water. Use “gentle rain” on nozzle.” I was literally in a session with my therapist talking about how entitled my mom thinks she is to my time when it came through. The really funny (or maybe not funny) part is that my mom was in another country on vacation when she sent the text to me! I live an hour away from her house, have two kids, and work nights as a nurse, but good god if mom’s plants get thirsty it’s on me to handle it. And no. She can’t possibly hire somebody on NextDoor to do it because that would make too much sense. I already tried.” - K., 26